Okay, so take a little glimpse of my current addiction in the intarnetz now. :3

*drumroll*

Tada~

Restaurant City!

You can access it in Facebook, and use the search engine. Please do search “Restaurant City” then click the application. I swear, it’s really fun! It’s like playing Diner Dash without killing your hands in clicking.

Anyway, the achievement for the day…

Max population points! Wow, is my restaurant known? XD

I wish I could give you all the world’s gold
And put you on a pedestal, so you never grow old
Then take you around for everyone to see
But all I can give you is me

I wish I could have a party for you everyday
And all of your friends would come to play
And I would build our house on a mountain
Where we could live free
But all I can give you is me

I wish I could make time stand perfectly still
And everyone on earth would be at your will
And at one command all your troubles would flee
But all I can give you is me

I know I’m not much, you can do better
But I hope you find some joy in this letter
My best for you is all I can be
And all I can give you is me

This maybe a weird blog title for a person like me, because of my recent update, but this isn’t about ranting anything; I just want to let someone know of why I came to the point of hurting and leaving him.

Before coping up with Markee again, I was in a relationship with my virtual best friend. See my older post if you’re curious. All things went well until my birthday, and also our first Anniversary. I was quite anxious of our current situation; I came to the point where I realize how far we really are, and how things are going to be complicated if we would continue.

Letting go was hard to do, in fact, it did bother me.  Every minute, if my mind would go blank, I would keep on thinking of it.  I also thought that it would be hard for him to understand of why I would be leaving him, well, I understand him. Of course, he’s human, and humans have feelings.

I thought of lying again, and it did work out well, for a week. I lied that my Aunt had fixed me another marriage again, and needs to accept it. He believed, and I was relieved, then I have my conscience flooding me. It was so burden, and I felt guilty, so I avoid things that make him see me. I abandoned my virtual friends, and continue on. At first, I wasn’t used to, but eventually I got recovered, maybe it’s because I welcomed Jesus Christ in my life again. But that wasn’t the end of the trials yet. A few of my friends understands me, but I thought, that it’s not enough to step forward again. So I continued to keep quiet about it.

Not until today, but wait, I’m not yet sure if he’s picking on me, but his status message hit me. Well, I can’t blame him for hating me. But I do hope that he would find a better girl, because for me, our distance is really forbidding us to meet. And it’s impossible for us to cope up with it; I know how he stands for his family, and I know how life rolled upon him, and for me, it’s the reason on why, I would like him to forget about me. It’s not about being selfish, I just care for his future. I want him to make more friends, socialize more, and find someone who could take care of him. And that’s not me

Believing in my decision is hard, until God had confirmed that it had to be this way. At some point, because of Markee, I became close to Him again and that what matters most. Markee and I are doing our very best to become closer to God again, to the sake of our relationship. I never regretted this, because in some unexplainable way, I’m so attach to God.

How would I regret? Markee is someone who can accept and forget. And despite of the things I shared to him, he still sees me as someone dear to him. Though it was hard for me to share these things, I asked and prayed if I should let it all out, and it went well. Our relationship is unbelievingly strong and I love him more and more each day.

I could possibly think that maybe, this is just a dream, but if it is, I wouldn’t be waking up, and prefer to sleep forever.

Hasu, if you’re able to read this, then again, thank you. For letting me feel how good life is, and how good is it to be loved for who I am. And I know these words aren’t enough to thank you, so maybe loving you the way you love me would be.  And also, thank you for that Notebook you’ve written, those words are so meaningful that I wish to remember forever.  Thank you for your acceptance, understanding, care, and of course, love. I hope we would endure life’s trials. God had really blessed me for entrusting your feelings to me again. Hasu, I won’t promise not to hurt you, but I would try my best not to, because in my own words and my own heart I truly love you.

Nee mou sukoshi dake
(Hey, just a little more)
Mou sukoshi dake kiite ite hoshii
(I want you to listen just a little more)
Nee mou sukoshi dake
(Hey, just a little more)
Mou sukoshi dake wagamama ii desu ka
(Can I be selfish just a little more?)

Te ni ireta totan ni kiete shimaisou
(It seems like it’ll disappear the moment I obtain it)
Kotoba o kuremasen ka
(Won’t you please give me a word?)

Aishiteiru aishiteiru sekai ga owaru made
(I love you, I love you until the world ends)
Bakageteru to warai nagara kuchi ni dashite mite
(Try and say that as you laugh and call it stupid)
Aishiteiru
(I love you)
Sonna koto ga kantan ni wa dekinakute
(Unable to do such a simple thing easily)
Umaku aiseru you ni to
(I pray to that sky)
Ano sora ni inotte iru
(So that I can love properly)

Nee shiritakute mo
(Hey, although I want to know)
Shiritsukusenai koto bakari de
(There are too many things I can’t understand)
Dakara hitotsu ni naranai futatsu no karada o
(That’s why I embraced the two bodies)
Seiippai dakishimeta
(That won’t become one with all my might)

Anata ga iru sore dake de mou sekai ga kawatte shimau
(The world changes just by you being here)
Monotone no keshiki ga hora azayaka ni utsuru
(See, the monotone scenery is reflected vividly)
Itsunomanika hanareteita te o tsunaide aruiteku
(Before I’m aware, the separated hands are held together as we walk)
Umaku aisete iru kana
(I’ll ask that sky)
Ano sora ni kiite miru no
(If I’m loving properly)

Itsuka hanarebanare ni naru hi ga kite mo
(Even if the day we shall separate comes)
Anata o omotta hibi ga areba sore de ii
(Having the days I thought of you is enough)
Itsuka hanareta imi o shiru hi ga kuru yo
(Someday the day I’ll understand why we separated will come)
Yakusoku suru kara ashita e
(I’ll promise to tomorrow)

Aishiteiru aishiteiru sekai ga owaru made
(I love you, I love you until the world ends)
Bakageteru to warai nagara kuchi ni dashite mite
(Try and say that as you laugh and call it stupid)
Aishiteiru
(I love you)
Sonna koto ga kantan ni wa dekinakute
(Unable to do such a simple thing easily)
Umaku aiseru you ni to
(I pray to that sky)
Ano sora ni inotte iru
(So that I can love properly)

Ano sora ni inotte iru
(So that I can love properly)

I know my blog titles are somewhat weird, but I like people being puzzled anyway. I got this idea from the song “Ash like Snow” by The Brilliant Green. A Japanese rock band I kept my ears on because of the song. Oh right, let’s get on track.

I updated several months ago, but it’s better to update something useful right? I don’t want my blog flooded with trash you know. Well, I think that’s enough for the blab.

Yes, months has passed, many events had happened, and because of it, I gained my confidence in everything. Not all events were good, some had to be sacrificed for something to gain and something to lose. But I never regretted anything at all. The good results were enough for me to continue my feelings for him. And he did a good job on convincing my heart to open again.

Some saddening events happened too. . .

“It’s sad, when someone you knew, became someone you just knew.“

I’m not picking on someone, I just remembered one person because of this quote. I still can recall myself ignoring him for a certain reason, even though we had known each other for quite long enough to forget what had happened. But I’m not that strong enough to keep on talking to him, even in an online chat. Because, if he just knew, I still love him at that time, and because of my feelings, I became weaker and weaker, completely and without second thoughts, runs away from him. At that time, it’s better to commit defeat than facing the battle without weapons. I have nothing to fight for, I only had my words at that time, but what’s the use of my words if the person doesn’t believe me? Well, that’s the problem.

The fearsome blackmail which he sadly believed. I was traumatized, scared, weakened and fooled. I don’t have someone to catch me at that time, oh right, someone caught me, and he was the person who created the blackmail. Great. My battles didn’t end, I was completely traumatized and wasn’t able to move without someone to depend on. And I depended on a person, who created the huge lie that ruined my entire life. I need to endure it, to continue on helping my parent’s needs. I have to be strong for them, because it’s the only reason why I keep on fighting.

That was my past time. And that is the memory, which I wish to forget.

I’m not yet in the half part of my update. Expect to read more. I stored many thoughts at mind which I need to write. Rub your eyes people!

Okay. This part will explain my title well.

“Every time when I got hurt by the smashed up pieces
My closed heart
Chose to be strong
And came here”

This is the last line of the song I mentioned earlier. I’m not being emotional again, I swear. It’s just that, because of a certain person, I chose to open my heart again. He’s the person which I can still recall, that I deeply fell in love of. We didn’t last long, because of my immature mind at that time. I didn’t appreciate his love yet. But time had come that I regret on leaving him. That was my mistake, leaving him with no certain reasons. I never expected that we end up being in love with each others again. And that’s what matters most.

Despite of all the things I’ve said, he still unbelievingly loves me. And that’s one of the thing that touched me. I know I’m easily tamed by dramus, but weh, this person made me cry with no certain reasons. I mean, made me cry because of happiness.

Maybe God had bound us. It’s not accurate, but how can I tell? I moved closer to God because of his influence and his family. Well, this may be a good reason. I can’t tell, because it’s like a dream. The happenings were too fast, too good and too magical.

I still can recall him long ago, of how we talk in an online community called Friendster, without a certain time to reply to our messages, without hearing our voices, we still lasted 11 months. And that’s a relief.

He was my first Long Distance boyfriend and first one who taught me how to love. He was specifically my second one, but he was the one who taught me everything. I didn’t appreciate all his teachings, as much as I remembered, because I left him without certain reasons. But I regretted it afterwards, and had no choice but to move on.

Moving on is the hardest thing to do, because of our breakups, I intend to hurt every boy who offers me their heart, and leave them clueless. I made it a habit for more than 2 and half years, until God had slapped me, and finally learned my lesson. I decided to settle, I didn’t made a promise, but I need to do it.

Until that boring day came…

I was patching up my Grand Chase client, until he talked to me, via YIM. Things went normal not until he brought up the topic of our past time. He just mentioned the online places which we used to sit together and talk the whole day, without worrying of the expenses to pay in the internet shop. That was short, but the sweetest memory I had.

He suddenly confessed out of the blue, I was merely shocked, I even doubted it, but eventually accepted. But now, I’m a willing captive, I don’t have fears of loving him more. And leaving him again would be impossible.

Tsukurimashou, tsukurimashou,
(Let’s make something, let’s make something,)
Sate sate nani ga dekiru ka na?
(Well then, I wonder what’s been made?)
Hai, dekimashita!
(Yes, it’s ready!)

Nemurimashou, nemurimashou,
(Let’s go sleeping, let’s go sleeping,)
Sate sate dare ga ichiban ka na?
(Well then, who will be the first one to?)
Hai, Oosaka-san desu ne.
(Yes, that would be Osaka-san.)

Hashirimashou, hashirimashou,
(Let’s go running, let’s go running,)
Sate sate dare ga ichiban ka na?
(Well then, who will be the first?)
Hai, yappari Sakaki-san!
(Yes, certainly Sakaki-san!)

Sawagimashou, sawagimashou,
(Let’s go shouting, let’s go shouting,)
Sate sate dare ga urusai ka na?
(Well then who will be the loudest?)
Tomo-chan desu ne.
(Tomo-chan, probably.)
To mottara, Yukari-sensei desu!
(By the way, yukari-sensei too!)

Oyogimashou, oyogimashou,
(Let’s go swimming, let;s go swimming,)
Sate sate dare ga ichiban ka na.
(Well then, who will be the first?)
Hai, yappari, Kagura-san desu ne!
(Yes! certainly, kagura-san, wouldn’t it?)

Kore de oshimai!
(I’ll leave it at this!)

Oi! Chiyosuke!
(Hey! Chiyosuke!)
Watashi ga detenai zo, watashi ga!
(I haven’t done anything!)

Nanda yo-! Yomi ni torie nanka anno ka yo-!
(Excuse me-! Yomi can’t do anything!)
Nani–!?
(What–!?)

Aaa, kenka wa yamete kudasai-
(Aah–please stop the fighting!)

Eeto, eeto, eeto,
(Uhm, uhm, uhm,)
A,
(Ah!)

Yasemashou, yasemashou,
(Let’s be cheerful, let’s be cheerful,)
Sate sate chanto, dekita ka na.
(Well then the singing is finished by now)
Are-?
(Huh-?)

Ma-ta shippai de-su!
(Still not enough!)
Kono yaro- iwasete okeba–!
(If you go on like this- i will show you my anger–!)

Utaimashou, utaimashou,
(Let’s go singing, let;s go singing,)
Minna de utaeba, tanoshii na. Ehe!
(Everyone singing is so fun ehe!)

Chiyo-cha-n, atashi ni mo utawasete.
(Chiyo-chan! I want to sing too!)
Oi? mochiron ii desu yo!
(Oh? of course you can!)

Hona, ikudee.
(Here I go!)

Tsukurimashou, tsukurimashou,
(Let’s make something, let’s make something,)
Sate sate nani ga dekiru ka na.
(Well then, I wonder what’s been made?)
A……kore wa……
(Ah….this is…)
Taberareru you na, taberarehen you na…
(I want to eat it, I would like to eat it…)
Kore wa na, chaunen.
(You know, this is chaunen)

Osaka-san. Watashi tabete mimashou ka?
(Osaka-san? Can I eat with you?)
Chaunen!
(Chaunen!)

CHANCHAN!
(CHANCHAN!)

These are the few words that clings into my mind.

Why is he ignoring me?

…or is he?

I really don’t know.

Life distress is epically fail yesterday. *slaps self* I received too much bad news, I wanted to kill myself already. Well, lame right?

It started last week, when he’s really busy at something. I don’t mind it anyway, not until he completely ignores me. I’m utterly childish. I feel the most humiliated person in the world just because of it. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m on myself again.

…did he ever remember that its our Monthsary?

First was this misunderstanding, no, I mean my misunderstandings. He’s acting weird and I don’t even know why. Or maybe I’m just clinging for his attentions.

But could he blame me?

…I want him to be there, whenever I have my ups and downs.

I know many people could replace his comforts, but hell… I only want him. But it’s impossible now. I already said it. Maybe it’s final for him. Then too bad for me. I can do the cryings myself.

God had punished me this bad. Maybe because of my daily doings and mostly my lies. I was never a perfect child for my family. *slaps self* Now what am I saying?

…

Being rebellious is really in my vocabulary. I don’t know, I can say that I’m already mature but, I do some childish things unattended. Sometimes I don’t understand what my parents wants me to do. Even the world, I really don’t understand why it stills revolves around me.

I want to die.
It’s a lie you know.
Who wants to die anyway? Life is more precious to live, even though you’re suffering things so bad. Let me try living more. Why does God wants me to be discourage in living?

Does he do this in purpose?
…maybe.

Well, too bad for me. =(

Love is life and life is livin’
It’s very special
All my love…

It’s such a shame, but I’m leavin’
Can’t take the way you mistreated me
And it’s crazy, but oh, baby
It don’t matter, whatever, don’t phase me

I don’t believe you wanna leave like this
I don’t believe I just had my last real kiss
I do believe we’ll laugh and reminisce
Wait a minute, don’t bounce, baby, let’s talk about this, man

Well, I’m bouncin’ and I’m out, son
I gotta leave you alone

‘Cause I’m good holdin’ my spot
And I’m good reppin’ the girls on the block
And I’m good, I got this thing on lock
So without me you’ll be fine, right

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I’m what you have)
You’ll be needin’ me, but too bad
(Be easy, don’t make decisions when you mad)
The path you choose to run alone
(I know you’re independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

The nights I waited up for you (Oh, boy)
Promises you made about comin’ through
So much time you wasted
That’s why I had to replace you

It makes a cat nervous, the thought of settlin’ down
Especially me, I was creepin’ all over town
I thought my tender touch could lock you down
I knew I had you, as cocky as it sounds
That’s the way you used to giggle right before I put it down
It’s better when you angry, come here, I’ll prove it now, come here

Stop playin, you gamin’
I gotta leave you alone

‘Cause I’m good holdin’ my spot (Stop actin’ like that)And I’m good reppin’ the girls on the block (Now you know you need to stop)
And I’m good, I got this thing on lock
So without me you’ll be fine, right (Here we go)

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I’m what you have)
You’ll be needin’ me, but too bad
(Be easy, don’t make decisions when you mad)
The path you choose to run alone
(I know you’re independent, you can make it on your
own)Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

People make mistakes to make up, to break
To wake up cold and lonely, chill, baby, you know me
You love me, I’m like your homey
Instead of beef you come hold me
I promise I’m not a phony
Don’t bounce, baby, console me, come here

Ain’t nothin’ you can say to me that can change my mind
I gotta let you go now
And nothin’ will ever be the same, so just be on your way
Go ‘head and do your thing now
And there’s no more to explain to me, you no
I know your game and I’m feelin’ what you do

So I’m bouncin’ and I’m out, son
I gotta leave you alone, yeah, yeah

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I’m what you have)
You’ll be needin’ me, but too bad
(Be easy, don’t make decisions when you mad)
The path you choose to run alone
(I know you’re independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

All my pride is all I have
(Pride is what you had, baby girl, I’m what you have)
You’ll be needin’ me, but too bad
(Be easy, don’t make decisions when you mad)
The path you choose to run alone
(I know you’re independent, you can make it on your own)
Here with me you had a home, oh, yeah
(But time is of the essence, why spend it alone, huh)

I promise you
You know what I’m sayin’

Huwag ka munang magalit
Ako sana’y pakinggan
Hindi ko balak ang ika’y saktan
Hindi ikaw ang problema
Wala akong iba, ‘di tulad ng iyong hinala

Sarili ay ‘di maintindihan
Hindi ko malaman ano ba ang dahilan
Nang pansamantalang paghingi ko ng kalayaan
Minamahal kita pero kaylangan ko lang mag -isa

*Chorus:
Huwag mong isipin na hindi ka na mahal
Sarili ko’y hahanapin ko lang
At ang panahon, at ang oras ng aking pagkawala
Ay para rin sa ating dalawa
haaa.. yeah…

Huwag ka sanang lumuha
Sana’y intindihin
ito ang dapat nating gawin
Upang magkakilala pa
at malaman kung tayo ay para sa isa’t isa

Huwag mong pigilin ang damdamin
sa aking pagkawala
makahanap ka bigla ng iba
Ngunit pagkakatandaan
na mahal parin kita
pero kaylangan ko lang mag-isa

Repeat *Chorus

Sarili ay ‘di maintindihan
Hindi ko malaman ano ba ang dahilan
nang pansamantalang paghingi ko ng kalayaan
minamahal kita pero kaylangan ko lang mag -isa

Repeat *Chorus
Repeat *Chorus

Okay, this will be my first entry in the month of February. We all know that it’s the month of hearts. But what lies behind those feelings, searchers and some brokenhearted out there? Let’s talk about everything that involves the word ‘love’ and what mysterious feeling it is.

Back then…

It was really weird, when my younger years in love happened. I never settled for one boy. To me, boys have their expiration date. I come and go as I please, and will never bother to to confront the boy’s feelings.

Cruel right? Yes, I am like that when I was young..

I always play my cards right. Sometimes I feel humiliated and spend the time on my own. I sometimes lose, and mostly I win. When my mind wasn’t sure about the feeling, I still call it love. But after one week or so, I intend to leave to guy. Well, is it really love?

I don’t think so..

Mostly, love at early stages of life is not really love, but infatuation.

in⋅fat⋅u⋅a⋅tion
–noun
1. the state of being infatuated.
2. the act of infatuating.
3. foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.
4. the object of a person’s infatuation: When I was a kid, my infatuation was stamp collecting.

At first, you’re crazy about the guy then eventually you’ll get over him and leave him clueless. It would turn out to be pride wars. Kiss and tell here and there. Talking to your friends of how a sucker he was and mostly ignores each other. Like wth-I-just-broke-up-with-you-yesterday-and-you-ignore-me-moments. It sucks right? Well that’s what you get about infatuations. The more the person ignores you, the more you have to hate him. Sounds awful right? Talk about the reality of a cruel youngster’s relationship.

You’ll get over it. I got over it.

My thoughts :Oh how about a long distance relationship?
Myself : Durn you, you really know what my weakness is.

Meeting my LDR(Long Distance Relationship) person is a long story. But knowing him for 5 years and still counting is the thing I treasured most. He is the man that you can’t judge when he speaks. A man full of mysteries, experiences and thoughts. Mostly, he covers himself from a mask so people would think of what he is. Of what fake he is showing.

Well for me, he can’t hide the real him. Cause he never stands a chance without telling anyone what he feels. And I’m thankful because of the fact that I am one of the person he shows his real self.

He is a man full of secrets. The quiet type and a lonewolf. Mostly, he wont get along with the crowd. He always prefer a solemn place to stay and relax. And yes, our attitudes are really opposite. But look at the bright side, we get along so much.

Like a magnet that only attracts when the sides are opposite. For others it’s lame, but for us…it’s perfect.

I did mention at my younger age, I come and go as I please, but when this man came and stepped in my door step of life, I couldn’t walk away anymore. I wasted the people who can be with me anytime and even give things what I wanted. But this guy…even though I can’t comprehend him sometimes, I couldn’t let go. My mind is locked with his doings and stuffs. I even randomly smile when I think about good things about him.

Talk about insanity here!

So much for the month of lurve. You people must enjoy this season of love. Yes, enjoy it. I know you can love a person anytime, but spending this special month is somewhat special.

So, get your ass of your work and school, then pick your other half a date!