Le Cœur
Mistreated heart, forget the beast
Wounded heart, be at ease
Bewildered heart, forgive the foul
Astonished heart, no need to jowl
The savior is here, so calm down
So dear and tender
My immature defender
Who does not know surrender
Oh, how blessed it would be
If you stay and see
Until forever
~=~=~=~
Wrote this poem in a whim, I might forget if I don’t write it.
Love Letter to Dad
Hello Dad,
Surprising isn’t it? To suddenly write a virtual letter. What made me write it? Nothing really, I have the urge to write in the past but I lack words to comprehend it. But now that I have something in my mind, might as well write it now.
Dad, I’m almost 20. I might get married anytime. Should I invite you? I guess so, since you’re my Dad after all. But will you come? Well, it doesn’t matter. But you know, deep inside me wants you, to at least show your face or even give me a wedding gift. But Dad, if you won’t show up, it would be sad you know. I saw it, in my Aunt’s wedding. She cried while giving her speech because Grandfather didn’t come. I guess I would be in the same shoes huh? But don’t worry Dad, I understand, I always do, even today or tomorrow.
Dad, I always remembered the day when you disowned me. I was still 13 at that time. I can still project what you exactly said on that day. It feels like I heard it just yesterday. But I always wondered why, is it because I stopped school? Or was it because our neighborhood caught me with a boy? Or maybe both? But Dad, let me explain, even if it’s too late already. I stopped school because I don’t have someone to show my grades to, or even nag me to study or congratulate me. Childish isn’t it? Of course it is, because I was still a child back then. I got a boyfriend because I thought it was the same as a father’s love, since both are males. But hoo-boy I was so wrong about it, so wrong that my first love didn’t even last a month. Little did I know that it would make you despise me. But I was too considerate, I thought that you disowned me to learn from your mistakes, that loving in an early age and get messed up is so tragic, just what happened to you and Mom. If I’m right, then thank you Dad, for thinking about my future.
Dad, don’t worry. I will marry a man who will love me and my children, one who even gamble his life for the family and doesn’t give up. I won’t make the same mistake, you see Dad, I already have tons of boyfriends in the past, but look, I’m not pregnant yet, nor wasted nor broken apart. I’m still me, I’m still the person who you always bite. Your bites are painful you know. Still the first baby you carried and took care of.
Dad, I hope you’re happy, even though you and Mom didn’t get married, you’re still my Dad. I’m also thankful to Mom you know, she gave birth to me even though she’s still schooling. Even though Mom is such a nagger and worrywart, but I love that side of hers too. Dad, I’m also thankful to Grandmother, Rita. She’s my role model, haha. She taught me how to be strong and forgiving, and also giving infinite chances. She was also there when Mom was working far away. So don’t blame her, she told me all the things between you and Mom, mostly the marriage thing. Well, not THAT all but still.
Dad, where ever you are, I bless you good health and happiness. And I’m sorry for this short letter. This isn’t enough to express how much I love you but, I do know that my love for you is beyond comprehension. Take care.
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if I had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
– Robert Frost
How will the world exactly end? Only one knows, and it’s only Him.
I found the poem in Twilight Saga: Eclipse, written by Stephanie Meyer. At first I was confused on what the poem means, but thanks to the internet I found some cool analysis. This is for the person who misunderstood and was offended of the poem. I hope he reads it though.
According to one of Frost’s biographers, “Fire and Ice” was inspired by a passage in Canto 32 of Dante’s Inferno, in which the worst offenders of hell, the traitors, are submerged, while in a fiery hell, up to their necks in ice: “a lake so bound with ice, / It did not look like water, but like a glass … right clear / I saw, where sinners are preserved in ice.”
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_and_Ice_(poem)
When applied in relationships
In the first two lines Robert Frost’s “Fire and Ice”, the speaker presents two options for the end of the world: one by fire and the other by ice. Many scientists, like Harlow Shapley, hold the belief that the end of the world will come in two forms, “either the earth would be incinerated, or a permanent ice age would gradually annihilate all life on earth”. Although one interpretation of the poem may be the geological destruction of the Earth, there are also several other interpretations. Initially, Frost wants the reader to contemplate the destructive powers of fire and ice. By changing the tense of the poem, Frost forces the reader to look back at the first two lines and consider a new meaning. The speaker goes on to relate fire to the human emotion of desire and ice to hate. Looking back at the third line, the use of “I” shows a personal connection to the emotions of desire and hate. Putting this poem in the context of a relationship, desire and hate are emotions that people often feel. The final line of the poem shows that human emotions of fire (desire) and ice (hate) are equally harmful and can easily bring about the “end” of a relationship. In order to effectively communicate the darker feelings felt in a relationship, the poet uses the following poetic devices: imagery, denotations and connotations, figurative language, musical devices, rhythm and meter, and the structure of the poem.
Imagery. The speaker utilizes images to help emphasize a person’s feelings in a relationship. The first image of fire is used both in the title and twice in the poem. Fire, when uncontrolled, viciously consumes all around it, wanting more and more as it grows. In a relationship, this fire can be set off in an instant. Desire, or jealousy, can occur in a relationship, and consequently can consume an individual until there is nothing left to burn. The second image of ice is also used in the title and twice in the poem. In Dante’s Infernal, the freezing temperatures of hell attempt to drive the life out of a person. Similarly, hate forces the other person away, driving the life out of a relationship. When left uncontrolled, these darker emotions can bring about the end of a relationship.
Denotations and Connotations. The poems meaning is also communicated by the denotations and connotations of words. The poet uses words that mean or suggest passion/consumption, knowledge/experience and death/destruction. Passion and consumption are suggested by the words “fire,” “desire,” and “taste.” The words “some say” represent knowledge of a group of people; while the first person “I know” suggests personal experience. “End,” “fire,” “ice,” “perish” and “destruction” all denote death and destruction.
Source: http://www.freeonlineresearchpapers.com/robert-frost-fire-ice
I was surprised when I finally understood the analysis. The poem teaches us what fire and ice can do in a relationship, and danger it brings. Today, right now and lately, Mark and I are experiencing pre-Fire and Ice symptoms. But whoever decides, whoever is happy, I will accept it and all will be well. This is how I express my love.
I. Butterfly
I’m looking for an immortal butterfly
That no one can defy
Just as the name implies
It’s a butterfly that never dies
Its transparent wings
Doesn’t sparkle or shine
It quietly lives
Deceiving our human eyes
Sometimes it turns to a passionate crimson
Sometimes to a frozen clear blue
Sometimes it’s a dull earthly figure
Like a lady who is insecure
The wings may change
Depending on the time and place
So that lucky people who have borne to witness it
Know not that they have all seen the same culprit
No one knows its true form
They don’t even know it exists
When they cease to be dazzled by its
Colorful phantasmagoria wings
And accept the butterfly’s yearnings
They don’t know what to call it
So I gave its name
That no one may call it a misfit
For a creature that is so hard to tame
I found the keeper of my heart
Mother of all the motherless
The most beautiful art
The immortal butterfly that you can’t tell apart
Melodramatic, really?
Whoa, how long has it been? My last post was since May 2010, was I really THAT lazy? Never mind, let’s stick to the topic.
Melodramatic
mel·o·dra·mat·ic
adjective /ˌmelədrəˈmatik/
- Of or relating to melodrama
- Characteristic of melodrama, esp. in being exaggerated, sensationalized, or overemotional
- – he flung the door open with a melodramatic flourish
A certain someone told me that I was like that. I kept thinking “How come? I don’t even show any emotion, any
depression or any hint of what I feel to others.” I had thought that he said it jokingly, to provoke me. And I didn’t even knew him personally! There I thought that he was weird, saying unreasonable things and said that I was lonely. I was furious at first, thinking that he was pitying me. But little by little, what he said at that day echoed in my mind.
A day, a week, a month passed, it was proven true. Because of my pent-up emotions, every time I release them, cause so much trouble and so much pain to the people around me. It makes their patience diminish like it was never there. I felt that no one could understand me, no one will dare approach me.. But I was wrong. I was the only one making myself alone, making myself hard to understand. It was wrong, it was so wrong..
I was busy making myself happy for the people who are sad. But I forgot how to be human and locked a part of me who is always crying, and just for a single person to say that I am melodramatic, feelings came rushing in, just like a stream on a storm. I don’t know if I should thank him or secretly pray for his happiness but, all I know is for a very long time, I feel alive again.
With his influence, I’m ready to face the world as a human who cries when sad and smiles when happy. If thanking you isn’t enough, then I will always wish for your happiness.
Yiruma, soother of hearts.
While bored to death, I was surfing in Youtube. At first, I was curious on what music was in Marky’s mp3. And thankfully, I remembered the name of the musician. I typed Yiruma, and there I fell in love with his songs. Here are some:
Yiruma – River Flows in You
I can’t stop daydreaming with this piece. Every time I hear the refrain, I feel like floating on a vast river. This is the first time I heard soothing music. Yiruma is really an awesome musician.
Yiruma – Kiss the Rain
While in distress; This piece can make you at ease. Like waiting for someone, and appreciating the beautiful rain.
Yiruma – Love Me
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Yiruma still has plently of pieces that are good. I just can’t post them all here. My page might explode. x_x
We like different genres of music. Music that can calm your heart and soul — is always the best music. Whether it is rock, punk, classic, jazz or anything. As long as it will synchronize with your heart, calms your soul and cleanse your stress. Every person has their music, that can express what they feel and thought. Without music, what will the world become?
Hello, I need a hammer to break your wall.
Okay, this may be too offending for your partners, friends. You may hate me for this, well, I don’t know. Feel free to say anything. It’s not like I care, but feel free to rant.
This is for the boundary created because of your partners or to yourself. This content will be full of flames. Warning: Do not read with your partner. I will numerate the worst excuse a friend could give, while having a partner.
1) I can’t message, comment and talk to you, because if he/she finds out, he/she might be jealous.
Oh sure. That’s the most irritating excuse I’ve heard. Sure, your other-half will be jealous. But what if you talk about business, school, career or social status? Isn’t that so retard to be jealous by important talks? Or what if your friend is committing suicide, and he/she needs an advice or comfort not to continue it? Will you still continue your excuse and be guilty afterwards? THAT JEALOUSY OF YOUR PARTNER IS THE WORST. Let me remind you, we — your friends are the first one to know you. You lived a life without that partner in the past, and now, you’re telling us that you can’t live without him/her? Silly. You can at least explain why you are talking to your friend. Now that’s acceptable. But totally ignoring the person? No thank you. You should talk to your partner about it. Your partner won’t be jealous if there is no reason to be jealous, right? Let him/her see your conversation, share opinions and may be your friend will also be his/her friend. A fine idea right? But first thing is first. Do not let your partner slave you. Being jealous is normal, but it may become abnormal if you won’t tolerate it. And also, pick a friend to talk to. If you find this friend too annoying, or just doing monkey business that might offend your partner. Then that’s the time to flee. Know your rights. Don’t let your partner think that you can be his/her slave for all eternity. Let him/her feel where he/she stands. Your mother and father grew you not to be a slave for just some kind of girl/boy. But to know what you can do, even in relationships. Don’t just sulk. Stand and say that you have the right to talk to a friend.
2) I’m too afraid to go out with my friends because my partner might break-up with me.
The lamest blackmail/reason. Don’t be stupid, think about it. When your partner breaks up with you for just going out with your friends, isn’t that a hint of the problem? You are just used, manipulated and fooled. Why would your forever loving partner break up with you with that reason? Because you are just a tool. Any person who is truly in love with you won’t go for that reason. Frankly speaking, it’s disgusting. Have no fear friend, those events are just created with your partner’s own negative thoughts. What should you do? Ask your partner. Consult. Get some opinion. And think about what the consequences will be if you’re with your friends. If you think your friends are just inviting you to be screwed. Then don’t go. You’re old enough to think about cause and effects. You’re even too old to pick good friends from evil ones. Remember that, when you and your partner would break up, where would you find comfort? Yes, of course, from your friends. Isn’t that too offending for them? After you abandoned them, suddenly you popped out of nowhere because you were done with your partner. If you are like that, then it’s clear that you are not a good friend in the beginning. Consulting your friends if you feel like it is wrong. You should respect what your friends are thinking and feeling. If you treasure them, let them feel treasured. Not like a chair you sit if you feel like sitting.
3) My girlfriend/boyfriend is jealous to all the girls/boys I talk with. Even the girls/boys who post on my social webpage.
Oh wow. That’s too exaggerated. For a girl like me to be like that, I would like to strangle myself. Thankfully, I’m not. Of course, you guys got a lot of friends — including friends that are girls. The world is so populated that your man can’t avoid to see a woman on any place. Get over it girls. What’s wrong about meet and greet? Just don’t include the flirting. Right? I, myself had friends that are boys — mostly out of 100% of my friends, 80% are boys. I also told them to limit their jokes, to the fact that they love teasing me when I was still single. They respected me for that, and they all respected my boyfriend as well. Pretty much organized right? You girls — don’t let your mind be poisoned. Control and observe. If the other girl’s intentions are good, then let them talk. If not, warn your boyfriend. We know what a girl thinks more, right? Just be alarmed. If the personality of the girl won’t suit you, ask your man what to do. It’s always the best to consult each other. If you do not agree, observe a bit more. It’s bad to be over possessive of your man. He might think that he’s in chains and wanting to be free. You don’t like that thought, do you?
A good relation starts in consulting each other, sharing opinions and problems. Do not give your all. Because in the first place, you lived your life without your partner. It’s good that your partner changed you, but don’t forget about your friends who were there to comfort you when you were lost. You must never abandon friends that treasures you. Because good friends are rare, and can’t be found anywhere. Having a partner in life is important, but remember, you can spend your lifetime with your partner in the future, but not with your friends. You soon will have priors — yes, your family. So for the time being, spend your days with your friends. Treasure it so that you’ll never regret it.
New Addiction, Restaurant City in Facebook!
Okay, so take a little glimpse of my current addiction in the intarnetz now. :3
*drumroll*
Tada~
Restaurant City!
You can access it in Facebook, and use the search engine. Please do search “Restaurant City” then click the application. I swear, it’s really fun! It’s like playing Diner Dash without killing your hands in clicking. 😀
Anyway, the achievement for the day…
Max population points! Wow, is my restaurant known? XD
Truth & Lies
This maybe a weird blog title for a person like me, because of my recent update, but this isn’t about ranting anything; I just want to let someone know of why I came to the point of hurting and leaving him.
Before coping up with Markee again, I was in a relationship with my virtual best friend. See my older post if you’re curious. All things went well until my birthday, and also our first Anniversary. I was quite anxious of our current situation; I came to the point where I realize how far we really are, and how things are going to be complicated if we would continue.
Letting go was hard to do, in fact, it did bother me. Every minute, if my mind would go blank, I would keep on thinking of it. I also thought that it would be hard for him to understand of why I would be leaving him, well, I understand him. Of course, he’s human, and humans have feelings.
I thought of lying again, and it did work out well, for a week. I lied that my Aunt had fixed me another marriage again, and needs to accept it. He believed, and I was relieved, then I have my conscience flooding me. It was so burden, and I felt guilty, so I avoid things that make him see me. I abandoned my virtual friends, and continue on. At first, I wasn’t used to, but eventually I got recovered, maybe it’s because I welcomed Jesus Christ in my life again. But that wasn’t the end of the trials yet. A few of my friends understands me, but I thought, that it’s not enough to step forward again. So I continued to keep quiet about it.
Not until today, but wait, I’m not yet sure if he’s picking on me, but his status message hit me. Well, I can’t blame him for hating me. But I do hope that he would find a better girl, because for me, our distance is really forbidding us to meet. And it’s impossible for us to cope up with it; I know how he stands for his family, and I know how life rolled upon him, and for me, it’s the reason on why, I would like him to forget about me. It’s not about being selfish, I just care for his future. I want him to make more friends, socialize more, and find someone who could take care of him. And that’s not me
Believing in my decision is hard, until God had confirmed that it had to be this way. At some point, because of Markee, I became close to Him again and that what matters most. Markee and I are doing our very best to become closer to God again, to the sake of our relationship. I never regretted this, because in some unexplainable way, I’m so attach to God.
How would I regret? Markee is someone who can accept and forget. And despite of the things I shared to him, he still sees me as someone dear to him. Though it was hard for me to share these things, I asked and prayed if I should let it all out, and it went well. Our relationship is unbelievingly strong and I love him more and more each day.
I could possibly think that maybe, this is just a dream, but if it is, I wouldn’t be waking up, and prefer to sleep forever.
Hasu, if you’re able to read this, then again, thank you. For letting me feel how good life is, and how good is it to be loved for who I am. And I know these words aren’t enough to thank you, so maybe loving you the way you love me would be. And also, thank you for that Notebook you’ve written, those words are so meaningful that I wish to remember forever. Thank you for your acceptance, understanding, care, and of course, love. I hope we would endure life’s trials. God had really blessed me for entrusting your feelings to me again. Hasu, I won’t promise not to hurt you, but I would try my best not to, because in my own words and my own heart I truly love you.
Aishiteru
Nee mou sukoshi dake
(Hey, just a little more)
Mou sukoshi dake kiite ite hoshii
(I want you to listen just a little more)
Nee mou sukoshi dake
(Hey, just a little more)
Mou sukoshi dake wagamama ii desu ka
(Can I be selfish just a little more?)
Te ni ireta totan ni kiete shimaisou
(It seems like it’ll disappear the moment I obtain it)
Kotoba o kuremasen ka
(Won’t you please give me a word?)
Aishiteiru aishiteiru sekai ga owaru made
(I love you, I love you until the world ends)
Bakageteru to warai nagara kuchi ni dashite mite
(Try and say that as you laugh and call it stupid)
Aishiteiru
(I love you)
Sonna koto ga kantan ni wa dekinakute
(Unable to do such a simple thing easily)
Umaku aiseru you ni to
(I pray to that sky)
Ano sora ni inotte iru
(So that I can love properly)
Nee shiritakute mo
(Hey, although I want to know)
Shiritsukusenai koto bakari de
(There are too many things I can’t understand)
Dakara hitotsu ni naranai futatsu no karada o
(That’s why I embraced the two bodies)
Seiippai dakishimeta
(That won’t become one with all my might)
Anata ga iru sore dake de mou sekai ga kawatte shimau
(The world changes just by you being here)
Monotone no keshiki ga hora azayaka ni utsuru
(See, the monotone scenery is reflected vividly)
Itsunomanika hanareteita te o tsunaide aruiteku
(Before I’m aware, the separated hands are held together as we walk)
Umaku aisete iru kana
(I’ll ask that sky)
Ano sora ni kiite miru no
(If I’m loving properly)
Itsuka hanarebanare ni naru hi ga kite mo
(Even if the day we shall separate comes)
Anata o omotta hibi ga areba sore de ii
(Having the days I thought of you is enough)
Itsuka hanareta imi o shiru hi ga kuru yo
(Someday the day I’ll understand why we separated will come)
Yakusoku suru kara ashita e
(I’ll promise to tomorrow)
Aishiteiru aishiteiru sekai ga owaru made
(I love you, I love you until the world ends)
Bakageteru to warai nagara kuchi ni dashite mite
(Try and say that as you laugh and call it stupid)
Aishiteiru
(I love you)
Sonna koto ga kantan ni wa dekinakute
(Unable to do such a simple thing easily)
Umaku aiseru you ni to
(I pray to that sky)
Ano sora ni inotte iru
(So that I can love properly)
Ano sora ni inotte iru
(So that I can love properly)
Expressing Life 